Stop overthinking: learn how to re-frame anxiety, fear, and depression with CBT
“Instead of saying ‘I’m damaged, I’m broken, I have trust issues’ say ‘I’m healing, I’m rediscovering myself, I’m starting over.” – Horatio Jones
Have you ever panicked about something... that turned out to be silly? Your friend doesn't reply to a text. You start to make assumptions in your head: she saw my message but must not want to talk. You start to overthink: She probably finds me annoying. I am such a bother. You continue down the rabbit hole of overthinking and making assumptions: Nobody cares about me.
Reality: She finally replies and lets you know that she was in an important meeting all afternoon. It turns out you are NOT a bother. All that stress and worry for nothing!
So how do I stop going down the rabbit hole of overthinking?
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a method of re-framing your thoughts to manage stress, anxiety and depression. Reframing is a therapeutic technique that starts by looking at a situation from multiple different perspectives. Many of us tend to have a negativity bias: meaning we are more likely to look at the negative than the positive.
When we encounter difficult situations, it is helpful to assess the problem from different angles because our assumptions are not always correct. If we are in a bad mood, negative mindset, feeling insecure, or heck, even just under slept or hungry; then we are more likely to jump to false conclusions. Whether positive or negative, our thoughts influence our feelings. Our feelings influence our mood. In order to change our mindset, we need to start addressing our thoughts.
Reframing our thoughts can help us feel better by mitigating stress on the mind and body. Whether our thoughts are real or perceived, the way they make us feel is real. Thoughts can cause us to panic and even kickstart our fight-or-flight response. The funny thing is, we often worry about negative events that never happen, or end up not being as bad as we anticipated. We worry more about our own perception of events rather than the actual event itself. Even if something bad does happen-- worrying only means you suffer twice.
Cognitive distortions
Cognitions are our beliefs, thoughts, and attitudes. A cognitive distortion is when these thoughts are inaccurate and cloud our perception. This can result in us feeling stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, ashamed, or depressed. Below are some examples of cognitive biases/distortions. Notice if you have had any of these distortions and consider how you can challenge them in the future.
Black-and-white thinking: Viewing situations in the extreme and lacking a middle ground. An all-or-nothing type of attitude. For example: “If I don't do something perfectly, then I am a failure.” This type of cognitive distortion is called black-and-white thinking because it does not see the world in shades of grey. Not everything is an either/or situation. There are nuances.
Blaming: Holding others responsible for your problems, even if it is out of anyone’s control. "She's the reason I drink." Alternatively, it can also mean blaming yourself for every problem even if it is not your fault or responsibility. "My coworker must have quit because I am not pleasant to work with."
Catastrophizing: Always going to the worst-case scenario. Thinking the worst will happen, or assuming the worst of people. "I made a small mistake at work. I am going to get fired, lose my house, and become homeless!"
Personalization: a.) taking things personally without evidence. B.) feeling personally responsible for things that you are not responsible for. "My parents got divorced. I blame myself."
Overgeneralizations: Drawing conclusions from limited data. For example, the assumption that if something bad has happened once, that it will always happen rather as viewing it as an isolated incident. "Last time I flew they lost my luggage. It was a nightmare so I am never going again."
Discounting the positive: Only noticing the negative in situations and ignoring the positive. "Yeah you won the lottery but what about all the taxes?"
“Should” statements: Assumptions about how things ought be, or how you “must” behave in a particular situation. “I should have done X.” There are many valid ways people behave in situations and shoulds are not helpful.
Mindreading: assuming you know what other people are thinking. For example, "I bet they all think I am stupid. They probably don't like me." Do you have evidence of this? Do you have evidence they don't like you? What about exploring evidence that they DO like you?
15 Common Cognitive Distortions (psychcentral.com)
Now what?
Do any of these cognitive distortions resonate with you? Notice if you have had any of these cognitive distortions and consider how you can challenge them in the future. Write down some problems or issues you are having. Now question your assumptions, are there any other ways of looking at the problems?
Please let me know what you think of this article in the comments section.